One of my friends sent this to me via email. I have never laughed so hard. What a wonderful way to start my day. I forwarded it to Ward, who in his ever so clever and witting way sent me his respond:

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment, and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside, and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth, and comb their hair by 7:00 a.m.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight,shoe size, clothes size, and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear, and what they want to be when they grow up. The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only IF...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!


Ward's Response:
Other than the leg-shaving, which items on this list have I NOT done? How many times have my fingernails been bright red, or my legs been covered with baby lotion? You should not leave your make-out if you don't want her to play with it, or test it out on her dolls - AND me.

Where do you think she learned that chocolate is the ideal breakfast food, that it's okay to pretend that the pots and pans are really drums (especially when you are trying to sleep), and that starting a sentence with "don't tell Mommy" is perfectly natural?

How many times have I had ribbons in my hair, changed diapers on a doll, or make snake-looking things with play-do? Like her, I hate the taste of play-do, but you have to try it at least once to know that the blue and red both taste the same.

So what if I let her pick out her own clothes? I think she looks cute in multi-colored outfits, and there is no law that says both shoes have to be the same color. The people at Krispy Kreme look forward to our visits - just to see what clown-type outfit she has on today.

Who does she run to when HER diapers should be declared a toxic waste site? I just roll with the flow, but cannot wait to remind her of this when she is a bit older. Who else can change diapers in the men's room at McDonald's without missing a beat.....the hardest part was keeping her from slipping off the urinal.

Who do you think taught her to play with the microwave buttons...they make really fun sounds...especially when you do it about 100 times. Plus, why else would a car have so many little knobs and buttons if not to entertain a small child? You can easily rest everything, but I do admit that riding around with the emergency flashers on can distract other drivers.

She learned to bake cookies - using a recipe handed-down from my Mom - you know the whop-them-on-the-counter "homemade" cookies. Her other favorite - "Mac & Cheese & Other" is all my idea. You can mix most anything that will melt - chocolate kisses is her favorite (if you didn't know).....dinner and dessert all mixed together is both time-saving and fun...everything in one bowl.

All this, and still no appreciation from her OTHER Mother.

Fun..Fun..Fun!

We had another fun weekend. First we started by getting Audrey back to school for the first time since she came down with Strep Throat. She didn't wear her costume, but she insisted on wearing her Halloween shirt and matching ribbon. Audrey's class had a fantastic Harvest party. All the kids were loaded down with lots of candy and trinkets. Friday night we had my sisters family and other friends over and we all went door to door collecting more candy. Audrey was the cutest ladybug ever. She was very polite, and sounded so sweet while saying "Trick of Treat" followed by Thank you. Afterwards, we loaded up and all went to Los Ranchero's for the best ever Mexican dinner. Let me tell you, by the time we got home, we were all completely pooped out.

Saturday morning Audrey and I went to my mom's house on Dauphin Island to spend the day with her. This would have been my parents 41st wedding anniversary. Mom and I took Audrey and my two new brothers, Amos and Andy for a very long and tiring walk. We went to the public playground, where we watch Audrey swing & swing. Afterwards, we drove around the island. The West End really took a beating from Hurricane Gustav. While the crews are working hard to get it back into shape, there is still quite a bit of work to be done. We went for some ice-cream and then Audrey and I headed back to Mobile. Ward met his brother and other friends to watch BAMA win yet another game. Roll Tide Roll!! Ward cooked us the best Rib-eye steak, baked potato, and baked beans dinner ever. Yummy!

Sunday after our infamous pancake breakfast, we left for the Annual Pecan Festival in the great big town of Theodore, Alabama. Audrey got to feed the animals at the Petting Zoo. I'm not sure who enjoyed it more, Audrey or her daddy. You be the judge. We went for lunch, drove around a bit, and headed back home for well needed nap. Spending weekends with my family is my favorite thing to do. The weather was perfect...how could I ask for more.

Look who has braces...

Mary Catherine is now the proud owner of braces for the next two years. She is in her her 2nd week and we can already see the difference. I feel for her. I wore braces for 5 years. Mary sent me this picture via her cell phone, the quality isn't the greatest, but she is still just as beautiful as she has always been. The day I had mine removed was the happiest day of my life at the ripe old age of 22. The entire time that I wore braces, I craved Bar-B-Que ribs...so you guessed it, I pigged out on ribs in public for the first time in what seemed like forever the day those things came off. So I am making a date with Mary to take her out for ribs the day she has hers removed. Keep smiling Mary, you look wonderful!

Ups and Downs...
Thursday night me and Ward had our night out together. Lindsay came over and kept Audrey. All seemed well and fine right....wrong. Ward and I had a great time dancing and talking after several longs weeks at work. Anyway, the weather was really bad, it rained about 3". Audrey was asleep when we got home, but she woke up around 4:00 a.m. with 105 fever. Yep, you read that right. I stayed home with her Friday, and she seemed to be okay. Her fever was gone around 3:00 Friday afternoon. You would have never even known she was sick.

Saturday morning we took her downtown to the square and let her feed the squirrels. Or should I say, let her chase the squirrels. The grass was muddy and by the time we left so was Audrey. She scrapes the peanuts on the sidewalk, and the squirrels come out of nowhere. At one point, I counted 13 squirrels at her feet. She didn't blink, budge, or cry. She was having a blast. Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera...again. After the park, we went for lunch and headed home to get ready for some BAMA football. Roll Tide Roll...they did it again.

Sunday, we had our pancakes with all the trimmings. After breakfast we got dressed and headed out for a day at the Greater Gulf State Fair. This was Audrey's second time to go...she was only 6 months old her first trip. Thankfully she is still to small to ride any of the "pack as you go" rides, so we let her play a couple of games and watched her eat cotton candy. She loved the petting zoo. I was so proud of her. She fed those goats like there was no tomorrow. She wasn't scared at all. This time I had my camera. We headed home after the fair and all three napped.

Monday Morning, oh my, Audrey's fever is back. This time it was 102.9. I made her an appointment with her pediatrician, where we learned she has "Strep Throat". My poor sweet baby. She is out of school until Friday. My mom is with her today, Lindsay will be with her tomorrow, and mom will be back on Thursday. Hopefully, she will be all better by Friday, and she will not have to miss her Harvest party at school. Is she cute or what?

Conversation with Audrey
The saying is true. Kids really do listen to everything you say. Audrey has gotten to the point of telling me that her tummy hurts. So I always tell her "let's go try to poo poo". Well yesterday I had a really bad headache and the conversation went like this:

Me: Audrey we are going to go to bed early tonight. Mommy doesn't feel good.

Audrey: You don't feel good?

Me: No my head hurts really bad.

Audrey: Your head hurts?

Me: Yeah, really bad.

Audrey: Well go try to poo poo Mommy.

Although I really did feel bad, I couldn't help but smile and cover her with kisses. This conversation with Audrey helped me feel better. We were able to call it a night rather early, and today, I feel great. She is at school, we are at work, and have a date planned for tonight. Audrey is excited that Lindsay, (her sitter) is coming over to play. Gosh, that little girl is something special.

Happy Halloween!!

We are getting in the Halloween Spirit! We have our flag flying, and our candy in the bowl. I volunteered for goodie bags for Audrey Harvest party next Friday. Her class will get to wear their costumes to school, and have a really fun party. Audrey is going to be a ladybug. Her costume is so pretty. She wore it last year as well. So I thought since it still fits, she can just wear it again. Thankfully she doesn't remember it, so she is very excited about getting to wear it this year. It actually fits her better this year than last.

We will be having our annual Halloween party at our house again. We have everyone over to Trick-or-Treat. Everyone brings a bag of candy and their favorite drinks. All the moms walk with the kids, while our men folk stay and pass out the candy. This year, we are planning on going out for dinner after the kids are finished collecting all the candy they can stand. It's going to be fun. So if anyone is interested in coming to our house this year...come on over!!!

Yesterday, Audrey and I carved her pumpkin. This was the first time I ever attempted this, but I think it turned out pretty cute. I didn't know that pumpkins were so messy and so slimy on the inside. There must have been about a million seeds inside that thing. Audrey was so patient with me. She sat right beside me and talked the entire time. We placed a fake candle lite in it, and it glowed all night long. Audrey is so proud of her "punttin". Judging from the picture to the right, it is hard for me to tell who's smile is bigger, Audrey's or her pumpkin's? Goodness, I love this little girl. This is going to be a fun Halloween. I can hardly wait!!

ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!