One of my friends sent this to me via email. I have never laughed so hard. What a wonderful way to start my day. I forwarded it to Ward, who in his ever so clever and witting way sent me his respond:

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment, and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside, and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth, and comb their hair by 7:00 a.m.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight,shoe size, clothes size, and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear, and what they want to be when they grow up. The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only IF...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!


Ward's Response:
Other than the leg-shaving, which items on this list have I NOT done? How many times have my fingernails been bright red, or my legs been covered with baby lotion? You should not leave your make-out if you don't want her to play with it, or test it out on her dolls - AND me.

Where do you think she learned that chocolate is the ideal breakfast food, that it's okay to pretend that the pots and pans are really drums (especially when you are trying to sleep), and that starting a sentence with "don't tell Mommy" is perfectly natural?

How many times have I had ribbons in my hair, changed diapers on a doll, or make snake-looking things with play-do? Like her, I hate the taste of play-do, but you have to try it at least once to know that the blue and red both taste the same.

So what if I let her pick out her own clothes? I think she looks cute in multi-colored outfits, and there is no law that says both shoes have to be the same color. The people at Krispy Kreme look forward to our visits - just to see what clown-type outfit she has on today.

Who does she run to when HER diapers should be declared a toxic waste site? I just roll with the flow, but cannot wait to remind her of this when she is a bit older. Who else can change diapers in the men's room at McDonald's without missing a beat.....the hardest part was keeping her from slipping off the urinal.

Who do you think taught her to play with the microwave buttons...they make really fun sounds...especially when you do it about 100 times. Plus, why else would a car have so many little knobs and buttons if not to entertain a small child? You can easily rest everything, but I do admit that riding around with the emergency flashers on can distract other drivers.

She learned to bake cookies - using a recipe handed-down from my Mom - you know the whop-them-on-the-counter "homemade" cookies. Her other favorite - "Mac & Cheese & Other" is all my idea. You can mix most anything that will melt - chocolate kisses is her favorite (if you didn't know).....dinner and dessert all mixed together is both time-saving and fun...everything in one bowl.

All this, and still no appreciation from her OTHER Mother.